


The Randomness of Olympus

by OzoneDragon



Category: Percy Jackson and the Olympians & Related Fandoms - All Media Types, Percy Jackson and the Olympians - Rick Riordan
Genre: Comedy, Friendship, Humor, One Shot Collection, Randomness
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2015-12-07
Updated: 2015-12-19
Packaged: 2018-05-05 12:34:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 3
Words: 11,049
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/5375375
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/OzoneDragon/pseuds/OzoneDragon
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Join the Seven and their friends as they encounter humor, horror, drama and more! On THE RANDOMNESS OF OLYMPUS (insert catchy jingle here). Shouting required whenever name is spoken. </p><p>Series of one-shots. Rated T for Tim Tams (just in case). Pairings not necessarily present. </p><p>Featuring: Annabeth giggles, Gaea whining, wigs, and ice cream!</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Mother Earth Joins the Queue

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Gaea's last attempt at revenge ends up being the biggest mistake of her immortal life, and that's saying something.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey! OzoneDragon here, ready to bring you another story!
> 
> You can find the more updated version of this story on FF.net
> 
> This is gonna be a series of oneshots. Genre can vary, though most will be Humor.
> 
> Hence, the word Randomness.
> 
> Anyways, enjoy! R&R!
> 
> I can never own anything mentioned. I did join many, many long lines, though.

* * *

  **Mother Earth Joins the Queue**

* * *

Gaea was going to give up.

Normally, she would stay persistent, doing anything she could to achieve her plans. But, with defeat after defeat, failure after failure, she was getting some doubts.

That Valdez kid vaporizing her in her grandson's domain was the last straw.

Though she didn't _completely_ disperse, she was just put into an awkward position, literally. But, she was getting bored with this charade. It was time to retire.

She would admit defeat, but not without some revenge. ' _If I'm going down, might as well take them down with me_ ' she mused. What was it the kids say nowadays? ' _Go out with a bang?_ ' That was it.

The Earth Mother will have final moment of blazing glory and revenge before resting for eternity.

So, now she knows what she wants, who to take revenge on, then?

Not the gods, even the earth herself has to bide to the ancient laws.

Not the mortals, even if she would love to torture the foolish creatures for defiling her domain, they wouldn't be important enough to make the final revenge... _satisfying_.

How about the demigods that humiliated and destroyed her every being? Yes, that would be excellent.

The Earth goddess decided to exact revenge on the Seven, they were the only ones who actually did anything against her (as in _her,_ not her cause) anyways. Including the meddlesome son of Hades and his two companions, maybe even the Apollo child he obviously likes, and a few others.

If she strikes one of them, it would lead to a chain reaction of grief and pain. Yes, this was a good plan. She won't kill them, no. That defeats the point of revenge, in her eyes. Besides, she couldn't kill them if she wanted to, she was either too weak or they were well defended.

She did have just enough power left to do this. She needed to make haste, she was getting tired. Maybe a nice retirement in Africa would be nice. She could finally write those _fanfictions_ that popped in her mind. Although she hated those demigods, she loved their stories. She shipped Percabeth herself. That _was_ the reason why she wanted them as the sacrifice to awaken her. But, back to the progr- point. Yes. Point. Good word. Not program. This most definitely was not a means of entertainment devised by someone behind a screen. _Definitely not._

Where were we? Oh yeah.

Writing fanfiction inside one of the last strongholds to represent the earth. A wonderful retirement.

Now, to work.

* * *

Annabeth was walking around Central Park with Thalia. They were just reminiscing about old times. About their adventures with Luke, with Percy, and the war against Gaea.

They were sitting on a bench when it happened.

The grass started around their area crawled up their legs. Birds were amassing in the skies. The trees were bending towards them.

Thalia pulled out her bow. "Something's up."

Annabeth followed suit, and unsheathed her sword. "Someone or something with nature magic."

" _You are correct, demigods._ " An all too familiar voice echoed throughout the park.

Annabeth's eyes widened. "No, you can't be here. We defeated you. We _burned_ you."

" _I can never be eliminated, child. Now it is time._ " The grass shot out at the girls' legs as they tried to run. Leaves interlocked and wrapped around their torsos. Soon, they were wrapped in green, struggling against the plants.

" _Give up, save your energy. I want you to see my final act._ " Gaea said with a soothing voice, laced what could only be a sleeping spell (not an actual spell sleeping).

Groggily, Thalia asked "What is this final act, if I may?"

Gaea, being the villainess that she was, said " _WHY IT IS TIME FOR MY REVENGE!_ "

Camper and Hunter soon fell asleep. Though, Gaea thought she could hear _giggles_ coming out of their puny little mouths.

_Must be a dream. Good. It will make the torture much more fun._

* * *

 Leo, Hazel and Calypso were at the Central Park Zoo watching a lion 'talk' to a hippo, giraffe, and a zebra.

"Why are they talking?" Hazel asked with a raised eyebrow.

"Maybe they're planning escape." Calypso replied.

"They remind me of that movie. What's it called? Mada-hoo-ha? _Madagascar_? That's it." Leo said while licking his ice cream cone.

Then, as if the animals heard them, they looked straight at the three.

"Leo..." Calypso started.

"I did nothing!"

Hazel was about to say something when suddenly the zebra ran towards them, jumped over the fence, and wrapped what looked like a large rainbow wig around them.

Leo, alarmed, tried and failed to spontaneously combust. "It's fireproof."

Hazel tried to get her spatha out, but couldn't.

Calypso looked about, then screamed when she saw the lady approaching them.

She had many unnerving features, the worst were the eyes. Pure leaf green orbs.

Leo and Hazel looked in Calypso's direction and gaped.

"Oh _schist_."

* * *

Nico dragged Will into the nearest McDonald's after hearing that the healer had never tried a McFlurry before.

"Come on, it's worth the calories." Nico said as he practically dragged the blond into the ' _restaurant_ ' as Nico so proudly acclaimed.

"But, it might be processed!" Will whined with a look of absolute disgust.

"It'll be fine. If you eat one, I'll give you a hug."

That got Will's attention. He practically ran over to the counter, and ordered the icy treat.

Sadly, Will never got his ice cream because the cashier brought out a golden rope and threw it like a lasso at the two boys, tying them together.

Luckily (for Will at least), the two were tied front to front, so they were facing each other in what could've been a tight embrace if there wasn't rope wrapped around them. Or if their arms weren't strapped to their sides. Or- On second thought, it was more of somebody pushing the towards each other so they would be stuck. _Oh..._

While he smiled at being close to the smaller boy, Nico narrowed his eyes at the cashier, as if his glare could melt her on the spot. Though, the blush on his face completely ruined the trademark death glare.

She just shrugged it off, got one of the loose ropes and pulled them out the door.

"This is normal, everyone." She assured. "It's a _millionth customer prize_." Everyone shrugged and went back to their business.

"What?! Kidnapping your customers is a prize?" Nico shouted.

"No, but giving the filth that you call heroes what they deserve _is_." The cashier replied with a sinister smile, and dragged them again with ease.

"This is why I don't go to McDonald's..." Will grumbled.

Nico looked at him with a raised eyebrow, still blushing. "Care to explain? We're just hanging here anyway."

* * *

Frank came from the vendor cart with the ice cream Hazel and Calypso wanted. Only, where were the girls and Leo?

The son of Mars walked around until he saw a zebra dragging the people he was looking for wrapped in what looked like a...wig?

He blinked twice. "Umm..."

The zebra stopped and looked at him, then at his prisoners, then back.

Leo looked at him. "Don't ask."

"I don't even want to know."

Hazel looked up and smiled. "Can you help us?"

Frank looked at the zebra again. The thing growled, if that was possible. "Maybe I'll join you.

That zebra scares me. It might attack me if I try to break you guys out."

The three frowned at him as he approached the zebra, who knelt. That was weird. Maybe because he was a descendant of Poseidon?

Then, the zebra stood up and gestured him to follow.

The prisoners looked at him oddly.

"Umm...I have ice cream?"

They shrugged and told him to follow them and feed them ice cream.

Except Leo though, he dropped his.

* * *

Jason was on a date with Piper in a cafe overlooking the Hudson River. It had been weeks since he came back to Camp Half-Blood, and he wanted to spend his time with his girlfriend.

They were about to leave the cafe when a giant net dropped on them. They tried to cut the weave, but alas, it worked to no avail.

Suddenly a waiter came up and dragged them off outside, maybe to throw them out. Perhaps, he thought they were a trash bag.

Piper was screaming protests, but the waiter didn't even hear them. The net must be made of Celestial Bronze or Imperial Gold if Piper's charm speak couldn't even reach the other guy's ears. Either that or the guy just had earplugs.

When they got outside, the man kept dragging them until they reached a large warehouse, and handed over them to a woman that looked like she worked at a McDonald's.

She then tossed them into the center of the room, and the lights flickered to reveal everyone else who went out to Manhattan that day, trapped in birdcages.

Annabeth groaned, _bored_? "You too?"

Hazel spoke up. "Who's left?"

"There's Reyna, Coach, Grover, and Percy."

"We can count on Reyna and the others then." Calypso said reassuringly.

Everyone let out a sigh of relief that was rudely interrupted by...

Coach Hedge and Reyna falling from the ceiling.

"At least we have Gro-" Nico started as Grover was tossed in from a window.

"We're doomed!" Leo exclaimed.

"I think Percy will push through." Reyna said.

"You won't believe who we're dealing with, then." Annabeth whispered, _giggling_? Seriously, what

was up with Annabeth today? Thalia too.

"How do we escape?" Piper asked.

"We can't everything's enchanted. From the cages to the doors, even the floor is enchanted so we can't escape unless its master (or _mistress_ ) releases us." Leo replied.

"What was that?" asked Coach Hedge.

"N-nothing." Leo stuttered. He didn't want to 'scare' his friends any further, the others that saw _her_ could agree.

"Oh well. What now?" Jason said glumly.

Leo grinned excitedly. "Who's up for 20 Questions?"

Everyone groaned.

There goes the proper reunion they were having.

Well, technically they did get a proper reunion, only the _old-fashioned_ way.

* * *

Percy was at the meeting place everyone agreed to go to when they finished, the Starbucks close to the Empire State Building. For the first time, he was early.

He just finished visiting his mother and Paul when he arrived, early.

From that alone Percy knew something was up. Normally, Reyna or Annabeth or Jason would

be there first. But, no one was there, except him, early.

Holding on to Riptide in his pocket, he stood up and scanned the store. Nothing was suspicious except for the lady in the corner. She had ebony black hair, ivory white skin, and pure leaf green eyes. _Gaea_.

Percy pulled out his sword and moved into a defensive chance. "What are you doing here. We watched you explode."

" _I can never be completely destroyed, child. Now it is time for you to-_ "

At that Percy bolted.

Gaea obviously annoyed, went after him. _He didn't even let her finish her speech!_ She had it all planned out too. _Oh well, let the chase begin!_

Percy was freaking out. Why was Gaea still here? Is she the reason why everyone is gone?

Probably. He needed find them, but he had to get away from the primordial goddess.

He was on his own. Even the gods can't interfere with Gaea. He tried to take the most confusing route as possible, ducking between alleys, going in random directions just to shake of the earth goddess. But, she was the _earth_ goddess. And where was he? Earth. Another moment for Percy to add to his ' _How lucky would I be if I was an alien_ ' list.

He also tried to contact Grover through their empathy link. ' _GROVER! Where are you? Gaea's here!_ '

Luckily, Grover replied. ' _In a warehouse. I can hear a river close by._ ' Unluckily, that didn't narrow it down at all. There were warehouses by rivers, _everywhere._

He needed to find them. If he couldn't- No, he wouldn't even think of the outcome if he failed to find his friends.

The son of Poseidon tried to think of his options. He didn't have many.

Just as he was about to think of something he came up to a dead end.

"Schist."

" _Language dear child, you are making this too easy._ " Gaea's voice boomed throughout the alleyway. " _Do not bother struggling. I want your full attention for what I have planned._ "

Tendrils of concrete and brick sprung up and coiled around Percy wrapping him up like industrial wontons.

As much as Percy struggled he was trapped.

Gaea pressed a finger to the son of Poseidon's forehead and in a blinding flash of white, they were in a dark room.

The warehouse.

* * *

When Percy came to, he was on alert immediately.

He was in a dimly lit room, lying on the floor. The room was quite spacious, a few light bulbs,

half of them dead. He could make out several bars that resembled over-sized umbrellas. When

he focused on one he realized they were birdcages.

Birdcages holding his friends.

He jumped to his feet and ran to the nearest one, which was Grover's. "What's going on?"

Grover was about to speak but another voice answered for him. " _It is time, Perseus Jackson._ "

There was a long pause. Percy turned in the direction of the voice.

" _You may have defeated me. But, I WILL HAVE MY REVENGE!_ " Gaea said with a perfect villain's posture and villain's laugh in the center of the room.

As much as Percy should have been terrified, he couldn't. He dropped to the floor and laughed as much as his lungs could allow.

Soon, everyone else was laughing their _podexes_ off. Even Reyna was giggling to an unprofessional level.

" _What? Why are you laughing? Are you not terrified?_ " The earth goddess exclaimed, bewildered.

When everyone quieted down, Thalia spoke up, giggling. "When you mean revenge, do you plan to torture us and give us pain for as long as possible?"

" _Of course, how can I do it any other way?_ "

Everyone broke into laughter again.

Coach Hedge questioned the primordial goddess. "So, you don't want to take over the world

again? Just revenge?"

" _Yes, I must get revenge._ "

Everyone just kept cracking up.

At this point Gaea was getting annoyed. " _If you do not take me seriously I will-_ "

"What? Smite us?" Percy said between chuckles.

Gaea was about to rant about how she should be respected when the son of Poseidon said

"Look if you want revenge, you need to go to Camp Half-Blood. There we can talk about revenge."

The Earth Mother blinked, and said something intelligent like " _wat_ "

"We'll show you if you let us go, we won't run away. Swear on the Styx." Annabeth added.

The earth goddess just gaped. If only she knew it was that easy. She could've been knitting and writing hours ago!

* * *

It was really funny to see the look on Argus' face when they arrived at the meeting point with the

goddess that tried to destroy them a few months ago. But, once Coach Hedge explained the situation, his eyes glinted with amusement. Which, if anyone could say, looked really, _really_ weird.

It was a really tight fit in the van, though. Even with Nico still strapped to Will (Surprisingly, Gaea secretly asked everyone not to untie them, until later. She shipped Solangelo).

* * *

When they arrived at Camp, everyone went to the arena while Percy grabbed something from Chiron.

After a few minutes, the Hero of Olympus arrived on the back of his mentor. Percy got off Chiron, thanked him and walked up to Gaea.

He presented to the earth goddess what looked like a miniature gun with some paper sticking out of it.

" _If you're going to shoot me, you're gonna have to do better than that._ " She deadpanned.

Percy smiled impishly. "Oh no, we won't shoot you, you need this for your revenge."

He handed her a piece of paper that said ' _#4963_ ' on it.

" _What is this? How many ways of torture I get to try out?_ " She asked confused.

Chiron said, barely hiding a chuckle. "No, grandmother. That is your _number_."

" _My number?_ "

"Your number indicates when it is your turn to try to get revenge." Hazel replied.

" _Excuse me?_ "

They just pointed behind her. When she looked over her shoulder she could only flinch in horror as a line as long as this chapter snaked through the forest. The start of it at the base of the stairs of the arena, the end directly in front of it. The middle went through the entire forest. She could sense it. How could she not notice before?

It was ' _that_ ' long.

She could see a wide assortment of patrons in the line. From telkhines to dracaena to mortals to her own children. Even Hera was there. She was second from the front behind the ghost of that weird blond that shot himself at the earth goddess several months ago. What was his name? _Octagon_? _Octopus_? Octavian.

" _Umm..._ " She had no words. Maybe this revenge thing was not worth it. She should've just retired early. She should've just let one of her minions do it for her, but it turns out...they were in the line too. _So that's why Mark cancelled on Tuesday_ , she realized.

"No, you can't back out. Not until you reach the end. Then you can decide if you really want revenge. Think of it as your ' _payment_ '." Annabeth said almost sadistically.

At this Percy looked confused, "Annabeth you know you can-" Thalia and Jason practically jumped on him. Percy realized there that the siblings were quite heavy. He would never admit it though, they would join the line, and he couldn't bear giving them _that_ kind of torture.

Before Gaea could notice, Reyna pushed her in. "Have fun! And I hope you've learned your lesson. There is Wi-fi so you can use the internet-"

Gaea let out a sigh of relief. Then Reyna continued.

"-once you reach the forest."

The Earth Mother finished the sigh in disappointment. She should have listened to Flipsy. He would say ' _I told you so_ ', she thought in a shrill voice. Damn puppy was always right.

She went in line anyway. Behind a familiar person.

" _You too, grandchild?_ " She asked Poseidon.

Poseidon smiled at his grandmother (who he had a _child_ with. He didn't really have a problem

with her, world domination aside). "Percy forgot to give me that sea-shell print tie for Father's

Day, _again_."

Oh boy, this would be a long...how ever long this took.

She looked up at a screen, thinking it had a movie, but it only said ' _Now serving: #078'_.

She looked at her ticket, then the screen, then back.

The demigods could only stop themselves from dying of laughter as they watched supposedly one of the most powerful immortals on the planet scream like a five-year old.

* * *

Percy looked his friends, once the heavy siblings got of off him. "You do realize you can leave the line at any time, right?"

"Not anymore." Piper replied, smirking.

Percy frowned.

Annabeth first noticed. "What's wrong?"

Percy looked up at them. "Dad's not gonna be happy."

* * *

**Next time on _~THE RANDOMNESS OF OLYMPUS~_**

* * *

  **"I am going to give Chiron a beating when we finish this."**

**"Come on, it's not that bad."**

**"IT IS A LIST THICKER THAN YOUR HEAD, SEAWEED BRAIN."**

**"Oooooooooh"**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hoped you guys like that one!
> 
> Introducing my new headcannon: Gaea writes fanfiction
> 
> And: Gaea ships Percabeth
> 
> Also: Gaea goes into retirement after the second Gigantomancy
> 
> Tune in next time on ~THE RANDOMNESS OF OLYMPUS~ (Insert catchy jingle here)
> 
> Ta-ta for now!


	2. The List

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Never did they know that lists can be so long.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Let's bring chapter 2!
> 
> Here is ~THE RANDOMNESS OF OLYMPUS~ (insert catchy jingle here)

 

* * *

  **The List**  

* * *

Percy had no idea what was happening. This morning he was just hanging out with his friends, playing board games in the Big House. Then, suddenly he was in a van with everyone else on the way to Manhattan to get some things.

According to Annabeth, Chiron gave her a white rod that supposedly had the list of things they needed to buy. That alone was normal, the Romans and Hunters were visiting at the same time, so a lot of people were there, meaning a lot things were needed.

The odd thing was the army of vans following the one they were in. They didn't need _that_ much space, did they? There was also the fact that Chiron gave Annabeth a white _rod_ , not a list.

Unless… No, the list couldn't possibly be that long. Right? _Right?_

* * *

They got off the van at the Empire State Building, everyone needed a rest while the vans parked in the building. Jason and Reyna were currently planning the best way to do their _errand_ in the most efficient way possible.

They were silent until Frank spoke first. "Okay, now we're here. What do we do?"

Calypso replied. "We shop."

"But, for what?"

"Didn't Chiron give Annabeth something?" asked Hazel.

Annabeth answered. "I thought it was just a defense stick. But, okay…" She brought out the stick and held it out for everyone to see. "I honestly have no idea what it's meant fo-" She was interrupted by the rod- or _paper_ \- unfurling, revealed to not be a defense stick. By the time it stopped rolling, it went around everyone's feet. The writing on it was handwritten. Whatever you had to do to receive writing _that_ as a punishment.

The paper actually was a checklist. A very long one. At least that explains the vans.

Everyone's mouths dropped.

Annabeth's eye twitched, she was shaking and giving that ' _I will end your days_ ' vibe. That was not good. "I am going to give Chiron a beating when we get back."

Percy tried to calm her down. "Come on, it's not _that_ bad." Though, it was very obvious he didn't believe himself.

Annabeth annoyed now, practically shouted. "IT IS A LIST THICKER THAN YOUR HEAD, SEAWEED BRAIN. WE HAVE TO BUY ALL OF THAT."

Leo brought out an iPod, pressed a button, and a small crowd of voices went " _Oooooooooh._ "

"Not helping, Leo," Calypso muttered as she confiscated the machine before Annabeth could destroy the thing.

Piper tried to change the subject. "Let's just get started. The sooner we begin, the sooner we can go home."

Everyone nodded. And braced themselves for the shopping and insanity to follow. 

* * *

 It was decided that to save time, everyone split up in pairs, each equipped with a Lotus Casino cash card Nico swiped several years ago. They would each get one van to put stuff in, while another had to go in rotation to move the demigods from one place to another.

It was decided that Percy and Annabeth would go to the electronic store, Will and Nico to the giant pharmacy, Leo and Calypso went to the hardware store, Jason and Piper would get the groceries, Frank and Hazel went to the arts and crafts shop, leaving Reyna and Thalia to look for anything they couldn't find in the Olympian Market. Whoever finished first would move on to the next stores, and there were _tons_ of them.

Since they couldn't use cellphones, they used walkie-talkies to communicate. Annabeth held

The List, and because it was too long to make copies, so she relayed orders like a general.

This list was more of a hassle than they thought. And that's saying something.

At least Chiron specified which stores to go to. That was probably the only bright side in this situation.

* * *

"This is the place."

"Are you sure?"

"It's the address written down here."

Annabeth and Percy were currently outside of a small shack in an alleyway. It looked like any other shack, except for the doorbell, and a sign that said " _Billy Bob's Buggits and Gizmos._ " They hoped this was the place Chiron was talking about, it looked too... _tiny._

"You ready?" Percy asked.

"Ready as I'll ever be," the daughter of Athena answered.

"This is gonna be tight."

"You don't say," Annabeth said as she opened the the door to reveal a massive warehouse

much, much larger than what it looked like outside. "Woah, it's amazing."

"It's like the TARDIS."

"Maybe it is. Well, let's begin." Annabeth brought out The List and the walkie-talkie. "Do you want to hold it?" gesturing to the communication device.

"Sure." She handed it to him.

"One question."

"Yeah?"

"How does it work?"

Annabeth facepalmed. 

* * *

 "Okay, grab a cart and I'll contact Annabeth." Piper uttered. Jason went ahead to get a shopping cart while the daughter of Aphrodite wrote down their current objective as Percy relayed the contents of The List.

"So you need to get _20_ marshmallow packets, _40_ boxes of graham crackers, and about _300_ bars of chocolate. It says here to get a hundred for milk chocolate, dark and white, each. Once you get those call me back."

Piper stared at the small notepad in front of her.

"I'm back!" Jason exclaimed as he arrived with a shopping _basket_.

The son of Zeus' girlfriend stared, eyes twitching. "Jason…" she started slowly.

"Yeah?" He asked innocently.

"Two things. One, I said get a _CART_ -"

Jason paled. "Oh…"

"Two, we're gonna need a _really_ big one. Can you be a dear, and get a large one for me? That would be excellent."

The son of Zeus complied and rushed to the carts faster than one can say 'Hydra.' Piper was speaking in a British accent. That wasn't a good sign. She only did that when she was angry, and Jason didn't want to aggravate her any further.

_An angry Piper was a scary Piper._  

* * *

"Do you have the screws, over?"

"Yes I do, over."

"Can you get some super glue, over."

"Roger, over."

"I'm not Roger, I'm Percy, over"

"Over, ro-"

"Leo, can you please focus?" Calypso asked exasperatedly. Leo and Percy were toying around with the walkie-talkies, and it was annoying the Titaness to a whole new level. "And Percy, I thought you were more mature than that."

"Sorry Calypso, over."

"Copy that Aquaman, over."

"I'm not Aquaman, over."

"Roger that, over."

"I'M NOT ROGER, over."

"Stop it Seaweed Brain or so help me, we're eating seafood tonight," Annabeth threatened. If

there was one thing the girls _definitely_ agreed on, it was that the boys were idiots. Except Nico, he was a moron.

"Sorry, ov-"

"DON'T SAY IT!" Both girls shouted. All of the people in the store looked at the couple.

Leo rubbed his neck sheepishly. "Sorry, people. Please go take your attention away from the

awesome couple that we are." Everyone ignored him.

Calypso blushed. "Leo, let's just finish this." Trying to change the subject.

"You know you love me, sunshine."

"Uh huh." 

* * *

"What do you mean 'You _don't_ give discounts?'" Thalia asked angrily. Reyna and the Hunter were currently in the Olympian Market looking for Twinkies. Apparently, they ran out at the grocery store, but luckily, there was a store dedicated to Twinkies on Olympus, they had Twinkie everything. Twinkie magnets, snowglobes, and yes actual Twinkies. What a coincidence… _Or is it?_

"Look lady. Twinkies are a rare enough delicacy as it is, and I can't have people like you downgrading its value by asking for things like ' _discounts,_ '" the man told Thalia, surprisingly confident. He took Twinkies very seriously, as it was shown.

"But, we are the heroes of Olympus! AND TWINKIES AREN'T EVEN DELICACIES. THEY ARE TWINKIES!"

"Then you should show some humility then? And don't you dare insult the great Twinkies," he threw back, smug smile on his face. He must deal with lots of hagglers, then.

Thalia took out her bow. "Are you sure about that?"

"Your weapons are useless here, you left your arrows at the security gate." His smile wider.

Thalia grumbled something unrecognizable.

Reyna decided to speak before her friend had to go to an anger management class. "Look, mister. We really need these Twinkies. Why don't we just settle our differences and buy the stuff? We'll pay extra." They didn't even need the discounts in the first place, they had the Lotus Casino cards. Maybe Thalia just liked to haggle?

"Sure, I'll even throw in an extra box because you were nice. 'Unlike your friend over there.'" He whispered.

"Thank you sir. See Thalia, you need to be _nice_ ," Reyna chided as the man went into the back of the room.

The daughter of Zeus glared back.

The man came back. "Sorry ladies. We've run out. The next shipment won't come out until next week," he apologized.

"What? How could you run out?" Reyna asked, surprised. There were boxes of them just a while ago.

He pointed outside. "That lady just bought them all from my companion, here." He pointed to a woman in a green dress carrying five boxes of the desert like they were pillows. More were following her telepathically. "If you want I can reserve the next ones for you."

"It's fine." Thalia denied the offer. "Reyna, I think we should _have a chat_ our friend over there, shall we?"

The daughter of Bellona took the hint. "Yeah, good idea Thalia. Will be leaving now sir," she said to the man.

"Be careful, you two."

"We will."

The two girls looked at each other and broke into a sprint after the lady.

When they were a few yards from the lady, Thalia held up three fingers. Reyna nodded. On the count of three, they would corner the lady and haggle like they've never haggled before. Which they haven't. Reyna, at least, hasn't.

'One' she mouthed. The lady stopped at the edge of the market.

'Two' The girls hid behind two posts.

'Three' They pounced on the lady, only to be surprised by her identity.

"DEMETER?!" Both girls shouted.

The goddess of harvest covered her face. "Don't look at me. Take everything! Just don't tell the

other Olympians!" She cried.

Thalia pulled an excellent poker face. "Is this why you obsess over cereal? So no one will notice the Twinkies?" She asked as Reyna helped the goddess up.

"Well yes, and no," she started. "I love cereal, but adding Twinkies makes it absolutely _divine_ ," the supposed crazy cereal lady said dreamily. "I made everyone think I only thought cereal was the only good food in existence because it would be very ironic if it was revealed that Twinkies are also my favorite."

"But, no one would judge you for your favorite food." 'Except for Hades, maybe,' Reyna thought.

The goddess looked up at them. "Really?"

"Yeah, Percy eats blue food all the time and no one judges him." Thalia chuckled.

"That's true," the goddess pondered. "Are you sure it will be fine?"

"Definitely. If anything, they might be relieved that you don't think about cereal day and night,"

Reyna mused.

Demeter laughed. "Thank you, demigods. You have made me feel confident again." She gestured towards the boxes. "Here, you deserve it."

"Are you sure?" Thalia asked.

"Yes, just leave me with one box, and make sure my children have some. I want them to realize the glory of Twinkies and cereal _combined_!" She pronounced happily.

Reyna and Thalia exchanged looks. Even if they got more than enough Twinkies, they may have made Demeter's food obsessions _worse_ (If that was even possible). Now that she could love both foods openly, she can pester everyone to eat them _both_ more openly, too.

Oh, _joy._

* * *

Percy looked up.

Annabeth glanced at him. "What's wrong?"

"Somebody's dissing blue food, again."

The daughter of Athena rolled her eyes.

"Seaweed Brain…"

* * *

Frank was getting bored. They arrived at the crafts shop three hours ago, and got everything they needed one and half in. They were supposed to report back to Percy, but Hazel begged him not to. Apparently, this was probably the last time they would get to this store in months.

Though honestly, Frank thought they would be back in four days. Demigods use a lot of materials.

So here he was now, nodding and shaking his head automatically as Hazel asked him stuff.

"Does this green go with this red? Or this green?"

"Yes…"

"Do you think I need more canvases?"

"No"

"Frank, are you even listening?"

"Yes"

"Does Percy look good in a skirt?"

"Yes...wait what?" Frank replayed the question in his head, and held out his hands. "Gods, nonononono. I'm sorry, Hazel. Please don't put that picture in my head." He even got on his knees for that one. Percy in a skirt is a horrifying picture. Also the Hazel pointing every sharp metal object in the aisle at him. "Please forgive me, I'll do anything,"

Hazel raised her eyebrow. "Anything?"

"Yes, anything."

She pretended to think for a moment. "Hmm...I know! Carry all of this-" She dumped all of her chosen art supplies into his arms. "-and pay for them at the _self-check out_." She chuckled maliciously.

Frank paled. "Not the _self-check out_!" He'd raise his arms, but they were full.

The daughter of Pluto cleared her throat. "What are you doing? Those supplies aren't gonna buy

themselves." A needle touched the back of the praetor's neck.

The son of Mars groaned. Lesson learned: _Always listen to Hazel_.

* * *

Will and Nico were bickering as usual. Nothing new there.

"Are you sure this is the right brand?"

"Yes, don't you trust me?" Will asked, fake-hurt.

Nico, not understanding his act, immediately felt guilty. "Of course I do."

The son of Apollo smiled. "I hope you meant that in more ways than one." He winked.

The son of Hades blushed, and said something else to change the subject. "It's just that these seem a bit pricey, don't they?" gesturing to the bandages neatly arranged on the shelf.

"What do you mean? They're always at that price."

"But there are cheaper ones."

"Those aren't as reliable as these ones!"

"But-"

They kept arguing as they went through the store. Attracting attention wherever they went.

A child asked her mother. "Mommy, are they married?" pointing to the bickering duo.

Her mother answered. "No dear, why do you say that? They're too young to get married."

"They talk like you and daddy, and auntie H and uncle Z, and grandma and grandpa." The child said innocently.

The mother chuckled at her child's implication. "No baby, they're just in love. They don't know it yet, but they are."

"Okay mommy."

The mother's phone started ringing. "Hey sweetie…"

"Hi Aph…"

* * *

"Is that everything?"

"Yep"

"The marshmallows?

"Done"

"The dragon chow?"

"Yes"

"The ice cream?"

"Wait, what?" Jason asked, worriedly. After today, he would try as much as possible to stay away from a grocery store.

"It says here that we need to get ice cream," Annabeth uttered, drily.

"Oh no. I don't think Jason can handle going there again." Piper whispered to the daughter of Athena.

"Are you sure that's all it says?" Calypso attempted to calm everyone down.

"Well-"

"Wait, the bottom of the paper is folded." Hazel noted.

"Well, what are you waiting for, Wise Girl?"

"Alright, alright." Annabeth unfolded the paper, and gasped. Thalia looked over her shoulder and mimicked her actions.

"What does it say?" Will asked.

"It says-" " _You guys deserve a break. Have some ice cream in the parlor on Olympus. It's the best in the world_. _\- Chiron_ " Thalia finished.

Silence.

After a few moments, Leo spoke up. "We're still taking revenge on Chiron right?"

Percy and Jason nodded.

"Are we still getting the ice cream?"

Hazel smiled viciously. "Why don't we put it on his tab?"

Frank shuddered. Percy noticed, and asked "Is something the matter?"

He took one look at Hazel, made eye contact with Percy, and whispered " _Never cross Hazel_ _Levesque_."

* * *

Hermes approached Chiron, looking grim. The centaur looked up. "Did they go to the parlor?"

The messenger god looked at him, sadly. This caused Chiron to frown. "Yeah, but they're still going to give you a piece of their mind. They also set the bill on your tab, and they ate a _lot_ of ice cream. With enough leftovers for everyone in camp."

The centaur paled. "Oh _schist_."

" _Can I have a rat now?_ "

" _Shut up, George._ "

* * *

When the demigods arrived, Katie Gardner stormed up to them. "What have you done?" She asked, angrily.

"What happened?"

"Dining pavilion," was all she said pointing in the direction of said area.

All of them broke into a run.

When they arrived they were greeted by the sight of Demeter force-feeding people with cereal that had... _Twinkies?_

"Reyna, Thalia..." Annabeth started.

"It was Reyna's fault." "It was Thalia's fault." They pointed at each other.

Annabeth held her head in her hands. "I don't even want to know. Let's just get Chiron, shall we?"

And off they went to find the doomed centaur.

* * *

**Next time on _~THE RANDOMNESS OF OLYMPUS~_**

* * *

**"Give back those oranges!"**

**"Not, unless you give me back my city!**

**"A city-state declared war on me!"**

**"NO, I BUILT THE WONDER FIRST"**

**"Sure thing, sunshine."**

* * *

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that was The List
> 
> Headcannons are: Demeter loves Twinkies
> 
> And: Aphrodite stalks couples in pharmacies
> 
> Also: Thalia haggles
> 
> Kublai!  
> Lastly: Frank hates the self-check out
> 
> Tune in next time on ~THE RANDOMNESS OF OLYMPUS~


	3. Battle of the Armies

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> The demigods get sucked into the past, and rewrite history.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Welcome to ~THE RANDOMNESS OF OLYMPUS~ (insert catchy jingle here)
> 
> This one's for my fellow Civ V players. Note: It would be best if you kept track of things on a piece of paper, thanks.
> 
> Any who, let's begin.
> 
> I do not own neither Civilization V, nor Percy Jackson and the Olympian

* * *

**Battle of the Armies**  

* * *

"Is everyone ready?" Annabeth asked her companions in the game room of the Big House.

Grunts of agreement spread across the room.

"Okay, on three."

" _One._ " Everyone braced themselves.

" _Two._ " Exchanges of good luck, and ' _I hope you lose first_ ' were heard.

" _Three._ " Annabeth clicked the button on the computer screen in front of her.

* * *

**_ First Light _ **

* * *

In a flash of light, Percy was suddenly on a coast, a desert coast. To the north were some incense plants, the east had some gold outcroppings, the south held an oasis, and right next to him was a river. One good look told him there was desert for miles around, everywhere except along the river was hilly. _Perfect._

With haste, Percy instructed the squadron of warriors with him to go south, for scouting. And, with the remaining people, he started his base at place where ocean and river meet, on top of a hill, within range of the oasis, the incense, and the gold.

Percy had a strong start.

After consulting his advisers, he instructed the scholars to study the clay, and its uses. He had more scouts recruited, with workers to follow, and the residents to do what they can with the incense and the gold.

With a smile on his face, the son of Poseidon thought ' _Let the games begin.'_

* * *

Annabeth's choices were similar to Percy's except she had workers trained first, then the scouts.

Her settlement was on the other side of the continent, a large peninsula defended by mountain ranges, hilly plains as far as the eye could see, a river cut straight through it leading inland.

After some scouting, Annabeth discovered she was close to the Great Barrier Reef.

The daughter of Athena set up her plan. _While waiting to learn how to Write, we should build a shrine, and get a pantheon going._ She scribbled into a small notebook. _Then rush the Great Library. After that we gather settlers to grab the Reef, and have everyone focus on tools_. _The Great Scientist that will arrive should start the Academy, and the next ones will be put in the dung- I mean the lobby of the castle._

The plan was longer than that, but it basically said "GO SCIENCE. Science, science, science. SCIENCE" 

* * *

Jason was in a desert, but no coast in sight. He shrugged, he didn't really need one.

All the son of Zeus needed was the mountain behind him, the hills around him, and the mass of sugar along the river he found.

He took longer than the others to find this place, but not too long to be left behind. Once he got settled in, he got the scholars to find out about Mining. 

* * *

Leo was very confident with his location. Jungle, and the notable resources were bananas, cocoa, and dyes. ' _This is gonna be great with culture and science.'_ he thought.

But, as he set up he couldn't help but feel doubt. So, to reassure himself he pulled out the paper that indicated which group he was a part of.

It turns out, his doubts were right. ' _Of all the civilizations, why did I choose the ZULUS?'_ He sulked. ' _Worst. Start. Ever.'_

On the bright side, he was near the coast and the jungle ended to the south, so he could set-up his second settlement there. 

* * *

 

Piper was on a different land from the others, but was having a wonderful time. After she settled in, she found two city-states, not that far from her. She was on her own island, but many small ones were close by. A few luxuries on each island, within range of her city.

' _Great Venice start.'_ She thought. ' _Let's get started.'_

The daughter of Aphrodite started schmoozing the city-states of Vatican City and Manila. 

* * *

 

Hazel started at the point where Annabeth's peninsula, and Percy and Jason's desert meet; desert gradually turned into plains, with plenty of resources and several more city-states. About three; one in the peninsula, the others north of the inland desert.

What was weird about Hazel's starting position was that almost all of the closest resources had to be Mined (gold, silver iron, and gems), the rest were horses. _Weird._

Hazel didn't notice and worked on building up her economy and grabbing luxuries as fast as possible. 

* * *

 

Calypso was on Leo's island, at the tip in the tundra. There was copper, deer, and iron. Not a great start, not a bad one, either. She did need luxuries, though needed. Expansion was key.

Despite the un-ideal situation, the Titaness attempted to stay positive.

' _At least there's snow._ _That's nice. What does it do?'_ With that thought, the queen of Ogygia took out the manual and looked up snow.

_Songhai, Siam… Aha snow!...Wait...IT'S COMPLETELY USELESS!_

She proceeded to rant about unfair starts, even if there was only one plot of snow in her territory. 

* * *

 

Reyna had a standard start. Some iron, horses, one or two luxuries, a few hills. She was fine with that. What did make her excited was the mountain range literally on her doorstep. From what she could tell, she was completely closed off from the outside world.

Time to play like a turtle. She even brought her favorite turtle hat, hoping it would increase her chances to turtle. She loved turtles.

Little did the Roman know, that she had a neighbor. A very scientific neighbor. 

* * *

 

Thalia had a similar start to Reyna, but no mountains, and she was on Leo's island.

Without a thought, she shouted to her men, "Let's get the military up! We don't want to be invaded, it's kill or be killed here!" But, she did instruct her scholars to focus on amassing research, to find out what is necessary for a library. A Great one, at that. 

* * *

 

Will was in the middle of nowhere, a mix of grasslands and plains, with nothing but livestock, iron, a lake, salt, on an island close to a large continent. Not that bad a start actually, but Will was used to mountain areas. Then again, he was with the Polynesians.

At least he had an immediate ally.

It turns out Nico spawned on the other side the miniature channel. After both scouted around, it was just them in the south, but Nico saw Percy in the north. The younger boy ran away before the son of Poseidon could see him. Percy, surprisingly, knew what he was doing.

Well, Will didn't get what he expected, but, at least he had his Death Boy. 

* * *

 

Nico was annoyed to have the son of Apollo as his first ally, and neighbor, of all things. But, he had to stick to the plan.

Nobody would suspect it, especially since he was Sweden. But, he could make it up to the son of Apollo in the future.

Will was Nico's first target. 

* * *

 

"Hello? Anyone there?"

Frank was hoping he would be with someone, to get an early ally, but no one was there. Not even a city-state.

Just him and the barbarians, and three elephant herds, one cow herd, a river, four hills, and a mountain.

Frank shrugged, he really wanted allies. _Oh well._ Might as well go with Plan B.

The son of Mars took out a small note in his pocket with the words: _build an army, and crush everything in your path. love, dad_

Frank sighed. ' _If you can't see 'em, beat 'em.'_  

* * *

 

Chiron watched his students, amused. They were playing games. At first, the centaur didn't want them to play, but after some convincing, Chiron agreed.

The last time they played... The teacher shuddered. ' _Let's never talk about that again...'_

He inspected everyone's location. Once he was finished, he sat back in his chair up high, and watched the game unfold.

Frank, _as the Indians_ , was alone on an island.

Calypso, Leo, and Thalia were northeast of him (Calypso, _as the French_ , on the top most part of the island, Leo, _as the Zulus_ , in the center, and Thalia, _as the Greeks_ , in the south).

Annabeth, Reyna, Hazel, Percy, Jason, Will, and Nico were on the continent to the far west, the largest one. It took up about half the world they were in (Annabeth, _as Babylon_ , and Reyna, _as Rome_ , were on the eastern peninsula, Hazel, _as the Arabians_ , was at the point where it meets the desert, Jason, _as Egypt_ , and Percy, _as England_ , were on said area which took up the entire western and central area of the island, Nico, _as Sweden_ , was on the southern tip, with Will, _as the Polynesians_ , on an island with a small lake to his east). Will's island was separated from the others by a small channel. Several more islands were dotted all over the place.

Piper, _as Venice_ , was at the central archipelago, the perfect location for sea trade. Hazel's was ideal for land trade. They would make for great allies or rivals, economically.

Chiron couldn't tell who would win. All he could hope as that it didn't end in mass destruction, _again._

Demigods tend to get very competitive. 

* * *

 

 ** _Negotiations_**  

* * *

 

After some wandering around, Percy found Nico, then Will. Post-exchanging embassies and trading luxuries, the "King of England" left. If the look on the "King of Sweden's" face said anything, Percy should avoid him at all costs. Except of course when his bonuses could be exploited.

Soon, he found Jason, at the center of the desert. _His_ desert. Surprisingly, the meeting went well. They happened upon the same oasis, and didn't fight over it ( _for once_ ). After more embassy and luxury exchange, they divided the boundaries of the desert, and set up an alliance. They both saw through Nico's Sweden _'neutral'_ facade and needed defense. So, their meeting did not end in bloodshed, _yet._ The power of the land and the sea would unite against...Sweden, of all things.

The King hoped Annabeth would be proud of his strategy. His choice of enemy, however...

That Great Lighthouse will definitely prove to be useful against his cousin. Against a landlocked nation surrounded by hills, on the other hand...

Percy should have gotten the desert pantheon... 

* * *

 

Annabeth first found Reyna and Hazel. It went surprisingly well. The three concluded that with the "Babylonian Queen's" research levels, the "Roman Empress'" (Reyna liked the change in title, but not _too_ much) production rate, and the "Arabian Princess'" powerful economy, they would be the powerhouse of the planet.

The camel archers, bowmen, ballistae and legions would be a big help.

She started working on the National College once the city of Akkad was established, which meant the Great Barrier Reef was hers. That along with the Great Library, the academy, and, soon enough, the National College, Babylon will be the Science center of the world. 

* * *

 

Jason was plotting, again. He had a new ally in England. He set mines in all of the surrounding hills. All the luxuries were being worked and traded. He even got the Pyramids. Now, he was building the Petra.

' _Once I build up my economy, I could wait for Nico to weaken Percy, and I can take his capital, then Hazel's, and the entire desert would be mine!'_ He chuckled maniacally.

His only worry was that Percy might beat the "Pharaoh of Egypt" to aforementioned building.

But, Percy was going for a navy, while Jason was building up a land army. Naturally, Percy would go through all of the naval technologies. Leaving him too late to get the desert wonder.

Inevitable betrayal aside, the alliance was going great. The Pharaoh got the desert pantheon, while Percy got the sea one, so they would prove to be formidable foes to any _Nicos_ who would cross their path.

If they didn't kill each other first. 

* * *

 

Leo was doing better than he thought. Once he got rid of the jungle on the riverside, his populations grew, thus making more cities, getting more luxuries, having a better economy, etc.

The only problem was the two girls surrounding him.

Thalia was gathering city-state allies in the south (about four), while Calypso was settling dangerously close to Leo's own allies; Melbourne and Ur.

The "French Empress" wasn't much of a problem, except for the fact she kept stealing Ur's workers, which in turn made Ur mad, and somehow kept on getting Leo to declare war on her.

That could be negotiated. Somewhat.

The problem was Thalia. The city-states to the south of the Zulus were about 4 miles away from the closest city, Leo's third one. And the "Greek Queen's" armies were amassing at said city-states. So, Leo got into the character of the civilization he was playing as, and invaded.

He managed to take the most powerful of the four, before Hoplite soldiers drove him off.

Thalia tried to negotiate Leo into making peace, but failed. As a result, there was a line of

Hoplites and spearmen that met across the center of the island. A silently agreed no-man's zone by the two leaders. 

* * *

 

Piper was having a great time. She was building up a massive economy, bought Manila into her soon-to-be empire, and she was getting close to finishing Machu Picchu.

She already built the Colossus, and several of the guilds when she encountered Annabeth.

A temporary alliance was founded, though Piper was sure the triple alliance would go against her, eventually. She didn't mind, though. There were many people to meet, plenty of trades to route.

Such was life. The "Doge of Venice" did, however, convince the other three to help her diplomatically.

And so, the triple alliance had a fourth member. _For now..._  

* * *

 

Hazel was satisfied with her empire. Her economy was going nicely, and she was almost finished building the Petra. She was also making progress in making Commerce-related social policies.

Reyna and Annabeth were great allies, herself and Piper together had an invincible economy.

All that's left was Percy to protect their trade routes and they would be golden, literally.

The triple alliance did come up with a deal, however. It was decided that Hazel would fund the other two, while Reyna recruited units, and Annabeth progressed along in her research, to find ways of improving the economy and the units. A cycle.

Slowly, their combined ranged might gathered at the edge of Hazel's border. Roman legions at the front, then a chain of Babylonian bowmen and composite bowmen, followed by Arabian horsemen which would be eventually replaced by camel archers, and lastly, Reyna's ballistae, they were all a little ways away from the small choke point that an Arabian city took as its home, the entrance to the Babylo-Roman peninsula.

But, the daughter of Pluto had her own plans as well. She wouldn't bother her allies, no, they relied on each other too much to break off the alliance. She was going to ' _give'_ the other desert leaders some money. Not too much, just to push them in the general direction. Of anyone who could get in her way of _schmoozing_ the city-states, and getting delegates for the Congress.

Who cares if it's too early. Free stuff, right? 

* * *

 

Calypso finally had an entire fleet...of workers and work boats. The workers were ' _immigrants'_ from Leo's allies. The boats were hers.

While she was keeping the Zulus busy protecting their city-states, she covertly settled on the set of islands right next to Leo, giving her a non-tundra territory. Slowly, Calypso would turn out to be the queen of the northern side of the continent, and duchess of the surrounding isles. _All of them._ Except Thalia's, they were too far away, and Thalia's. _Sadly._

This left the "Chief of the Zulus" landlocked, except via one of Thalia's city-states.

 _(Foreshadowing…)_  

* * *

 

While her two allies worked their business, Reyna was maximizing her production rates, and taking advantage of her bonuses.

Another agreement between the girls was that whenever one would get a new city, they would temporarily lend the reins to Reyna ( _pun not intended_ ), so she could have all of the key buildings set up fast. Any building already finished in her capital would take half as much time in other cities.

Following the god of craftsmen was a huge help too.

Though the Roman had no way of knowing, she was sure that the Arab-Romae-Babylo Alliance (and Venice) were at the world's peak. They should have no problems going through their victory conditions.

_Should._

She hoped that someone didn't steal the show with their cultural prowess.

 _Not the jeans, anything but the jeans..._  

* * *

 

Thalia was having a great time annoying Leo. Apart from their army chain across the island,

Thalia's Companion Cavalry was pillaging, pillaging, and pillaging.

' _Great way to get some money'_ , she thought.

Not only that, but she build the Temple of Zeus, not so much for her father, but because Leo needed it. The only problem was that in itself. To get the Temple of Zeus, Thalia needed to start the path of Honor, but it isn't worth it unless you go all the way (also to make up for the Great Library).

Not wanting to further waste her used-up culture, she went all the way. Good for her, because she had more military might than the north. Bad for Leo, because she had more military might than the north.

At least, while the mechanic was occupied, she could still make progress in Patronizing the city-states. Albeit, rather slowly. 

* * *

 

Giant statues, _everywhere_. When Will finally unlocked building Moai statues, he put them everywhere and anywhere he was allowed to. Meaning, anywhere with access to a coast, or a lake. And if he's on an island large enough to fit three cities, and a lake, that's a lot of them.

The Parthenon coupled with a few great works led to early tourism value. The "Polynesian King" was also very lucky in having three idiots, that forgot about culture, as neighbors. 

* * *

 

Nico's deception plan was, to say lightly, was facing _slight_ complications. It was actually very close to completely failing before it even started.

Jason and Percy saw through his neutral facade almost immediately. Will still had no idea.

Though, the "Swedish King" did meet the Venetians, struck a deal, and were now planning trade routes. The others were too far away, so they haven't met yet. That meant one target, one neutral, and two potential hostiles.

Nico's only hope now was to shower the two lunatics, with their heads in the sand (literally), in gold (also literally) and hope they lose suspicion.

Later on, he set sail west to see if there was anything worth settling on. 

* * *

 

On the Indian island, things were chugging along nicely. Frank already organized his first elephant army. Eight of the beautiful creatures, followed by spearmen, horsemen, and composite bowmen. He was a bit giddy for the first.

He was almost ready for war. Only one thing, _there was no one to declare war on_.

After about two and a half minutes of brainstorming, a lightbulb- _no, too advanced._ A candle, yes, lit up above his head, as an idea struck him. Or, was that hot wax? Oh well.

He needed to build a boat, India needed a navy.

So with a skip in his step, the son of Mars went to the library, and borrowed " _How to into Boat for Dummies."_ It looked like any For Dummies book, except there was an upside-down Poland flag colored ball with two small white circles as eyes. What was that about?

And so, the "King of India" did his homework. 

* * *

 

' _Things are getting interesting...'_ thought Chiron. Everybody was planning their deceptions and allies. Exploring the globe. Founding religions and pantheons.

The Egyptians listened to the tales of the desert. The English heeded their king's father's guidance. The Romans learned from Vulcan. Babylon appreciated nature. Arabia carved idols.

The Zulus wove the paths of the jungle. The Polynesians took advantage of their open pastures. The French danced with the aurora.

It would soon turn out that word of the sea, the desert, the craftsmen, and the aurora were to be spread across the globe.

For once, it was quiet. That wouldn't last for long though, it was agreed that when everyone met each other, talking was allowed. But, the way things were going… Chiron hoped that it would end before Camp nearly imploded.

Yes, it was that bad. 

* * *

 

 ** _War_**  

* * *

 

Soon enough, all the demigods found each other. Thanks to Percy's naval expeditions. He forced everyone on his continent to send out a scout along with his own navy to find the others, as they encountered more people, more boats joined their convoy, leading to the founding of the World Congress.

This was where it falls apart. The tension between the nations was so strong that anything could make them attack each other. 

* * *

 

The moment Percy spread his religion to Jason's cities, their squabbles started.

"Get you useless religion away from my cities!"

"What do you mean it's useless? It has tithe for crying out loud!"

"I am a landlocked country you moron."

"Oh- Wait, Stop spreading _your_ religion to my cities!"

"Half of them are desert-based."

"But, they have coasts!"

"Some of which don't even have fish, which y _our_ pantheon is based on! So, you should let Desertism enter your cities." Jason finished smugly.

Percy shrugged, much to the Pharaoh's surprise, and the Englishman proceeded to let knights and long bows attack.

"WHAT THE HADES, PERCY? I thought we were _bros?_ " Jason wasn't taking this well.

"It's either that or your pathetic excuse of a religion."

"But, it benefits you more than your own religion."

"SHUT UP! NOBODY DISSES FISHISM AND GETS AWAY WITH IT! CHARGE!"

"Attack the English, and their _crumpets_ , and their _top hats_ , and their...their... A little help Percy?"

"Soccer?"

"Yes, ATTACK THE INFERIORS FOR THEIR _SOCCER!_ "

"AAAAAAHHHH"

"AAAAAAAAAAHHHHH"

The two boys proceeded to have what looked like a cat fight in the desert. Leaving Percy's navy to itself. 

* * *

 

Meanwhile, the Arab-Romae-Babylo Alliance (and Venice) was having its own fall-outs.

"You were supposed to vote for banning Greece," Venice chided. The Doge was trying to prevent anyone else from winning through diplomacy. That was her win and hers alone, apparently.

"We couldn't do that, Thalia is one of the strongest in military and good at strategy. We can't anger her, she would find a way to cripple our system," argued Rome.

"We had a deal."

"Well, the deal's off."

Piper gasped, baffled. How dare they ignore her requests? She was the Doge of Venice, for crying out loud.

"Well, if that's true, then I'll have my _other_ allies help me." Piper smirked. " _Oh Jason..._ "

Silence

"Jason, where are you?" The charmspeaker asked angrily.

"Uh Pipes, I'm a little busy right now."

The Doge looked to outside the window of the World Congress in Thebes (the Egyptian capital) only to see her boyfriend battle to the death with her best friend's (not in here, she's not) boyfriend. _How did they not notice that before?_

"Oh schist." As she backed away from both her former allies and the window, she accidentally hit the Declare War button. Piper frantically tried to undo as the Roman approached.

"Where are your allies now?" She grinned evilly. Because three girls had a defensive pact with each other and with Percy, Piper basically declared war on the four most powerful players in the world.

"Ummm..." The Doge laughed nervously. She pointed away from herself. "Look, it's Frank!"

Frank looked up at them and waved, the three girls looked confused. "What was that about?"

They turned to their new enemy only to find her missing, along with something else. "HEY, WHERE'S MY TURTLE HAT?!" Reyna exclaimed with a new fire in her eyes. Nobody. Takes. Her. Turtles. _Ever._

"There!" Annabeth pointed at a retreating Piper. "After her!"

"GIVE ME BACK MY TURTLE HAT!" Reyna screamed murderously, and triple alliance ran after her.

"Time to execute Operation: Get Reyna's Turtle Hat and Hope it's Powers Would Let Piper Turtle as well."

"That's a long name."

Piper shrugged. The daughter of Aphrodite proceeded to run out of the capital city straight to her own, only to be followed by musketmen, crossbowmen, camel archers, cannons, and a very angry Reyna.

"DESTROY THE DEFILER, RETURN THE TURTLE HAT TO ME!"

Annabeth and Hazel went home to continue their duties.

Jason shouted from the battlefield, "Meeting adjourned, you can all go home now." He was paying attention the whole time? 

* * *

 

Will and Nico were watching the Northerners kill each other from Stockholm, Nico's capital.

"They are all idiots," Nico sighed.

"Yeah, they shouldn't resort to war," Will replied.

The King of Sweden remained silent.

"Hey, what's wrong?" asked the Polynesian.

"N-nothing's wrong," the other said nervously. _'What if Will saw through my facade.'_

"Really?" The son of Apollo looked unconvinced. He leaned towards the son of Hades to kiss and comfort him, but was interrupted by a messenger entering the room.

Nico, annoyed by the sudden interruption, snapped, "What is it?"

The messenger paled, he knew never to interrupt the king when he was with guests. "S-sir, a message from the World Congress."

The King was intrigued. "What does it say?"

"It says _'Polynesia is now culturally influential over Sweden.'_ "

The son of Hades slowly turned toward his boyfriend. "Oh really," he said very slowly.

Will rubbed the back of his neck sheepishly. "Sorry?"

The King turned towards the messenger. "Tell the Congress, we have another war on our hands..."

A few moments after the messenger left, the Polynesian ran onto his frigate and rallied his men to defend, while a very angry son of Hades showed why Sweden could stay neutral, with Caroleans and Hakkapelliittas. 

* * *

 

While there was war in the west, the east was sadly not excluded. Thalia and Leo were still at war, this time over two small islands. Little did they know, a certain seaman also had his eyes set on the place.

So, it was a big surprise for Leo when he found his only coastal city on the mainland was taken, after he settled on the Orange Islands (reference, he he).

Ergo, more squabbling commenced.

"Give back those oranges! RULE BRITANNIA!" Percy spoke, angrily.

"One, they weren't yours to begin with. Two, Not unless you give back my city!"

"Sure."

"Wait, what?" Leo was confused. It was _that_ easy?

"Yeah, let's trade the deeds on three."

"Three." The two boys exchanged the deeds to the city, only to have the Greeks charge into both of and Percy went to defend their newly received cities, only to accidentally hit each other.

According to the rules of the World Congress, they were at war.

"You did that on purpose!"

"No, I didn't!"

"Uh huh"

"Nu uh"

Somehow, Thalia got dragged into the squabble. 

* * *

 

Apart from the allied war on Piper, Hazel had her own problems. She was about to finish the Globe Theater only to have it vanish into thin air. According to the Congress, it was Calypso who had the wonder.

The Princess proceeded to declare war on the French.

"What was that for?"

"I built the Globe Theater first."

"NO, I BUILT THE WONDER FIRST"

"Sure thing, sunshine."

"Only Leo gets to call me that."

"Oh really, sunshine?"

It also turned out that Calypso was stealing technology from Hazel, and siphoning some money of off her, which actually justified Hazel's declaration of war. Not that the two actually paid attention. 

* * *

 

Frank was alone on his island, not a single thing was happening...to him, at least.

But, when Frank saw a city-state right outside his latest city, he grinned.

The son of Mars proceeded to pillage the city-state, and anger it.

"A city-state declared war on me!" the son of Mars giggled, euphoric. _Best. Day. EVER._

So, the Indian King led his pachyderms and troops to the edge of Prague, only to have them decimated. _You should've upgraded the units_ , his father scolded.

"B-but the elephants..." Frank cried out.

At least he had a boat...that might have been sunk by the Czechs as well. 

* * *

 

The world turned into utter chaos, as Chiron watched.

Alliances broken, wars started, and oranges taken. It was horrible. The worst part was the arguing demigods, it was absolutely appalling. He thought it would be peaceful, for once.

Lesson learned; sound-proof the walls.

Eventually it turned out to end in what Chiron expected. The Arab-Romae-Babylo Alliance went to space, leaving the others behind. England became the dictator of the oceans, allied with the Indians, the French and the Polynesians. They would turn to control the new world order with their culture, the French and the Polynesians. The Venetians sided with Sweden and Greece, leaving the Zulus to run amok in their island while his neighbors left to the larger continent.

The good thing was nobody was eliminated. And now they can end this.

The centaur walked to the edge of the room and flicked a switch. The lights turned on, and the demigods groaned at the sudden flash of light. They were playing a round of Civilization V, in the game room of the Big House.

"Okay everyone-" He clapped. "that was a good game, but remember to be don't fight each other in real life. It is just a game. You can all go home now." Chiron dismissed the demigods and went to bed.

Once the centaur left, everyone looked at each other. "One more round?"

"Alright." 

* * *

 

**Next time on _~THE RANDOMNESS OF OLYMPUS~_ (insert catchy jingle here)**

* * *

 

**"Hey Nico, I know what we're gonna do today!"**

**"ANNABETH...Leo and Nico are building a nature reserve for automatons."**

**"BLUE PANCAKES!"**

****

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that Battle of the Armies! Apologies for so many linebreaks, but it was necessary.
> 
> Who do you think should've won?
> 
> I could make this an actual story if you'd like. It would go differently, but still happen in this game.
> 
> Headcannons are: Demigods are more dangerous in video games than they are in real life
> 
> Reyna loves turtles
> 
> Mars sends Frank advice when playing games
> 
> Polandball is featured on For Dummies books
> 
> Frank reads For Dummies books
> 
> Tune in next time for ~THE RANDOMNESS OF OLYMPUS~ (insert catchy jingle here).


End file.
